An inside source confirms the humorous Miami Heat players’ only meeting

We already had "The Decision." After a disappointing 9-8 start in South Beach, the Miami Heat have now concluded "The Meeting."

Once the Heat signed Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh and LeBron James announced he was taking his talents to South Beach to form what I have been referring to as "Heat Three Kings," expectations were set very high. But after a slow start that has them 3 1/2 games behind the Orlando Magic and basically at the butt of every other fans' jokes, Miami held a players' only meeting following a loss at the hands of Mark Cuban's Dallas Mavericks. Cuban, like most other owners, has been highly critical of James this past offseason, so it was another tough defeat for the new look Heat.

When you become a sports writer, you learn early on to gain as many viable sources as possible. With that being said, I have someone who found a way to get into the locker room to listen in on Miami's meeting the other night. I am about to break the highlights of what was said exclusively to all of you right now.

Now, before I get going, I would like to state the fact that my source is slightly hard of hearing. He can't help it, and I've learned to deal with that fact. Sure, some of his reports to me have been slightly inaccurate, but I remain loyal to him to a fault. Besides, he said he just purchased a new hearing aid. This is going to be huge.

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So, sit back, relax and read some of the transcript and key quotes that my somewhat hard of hearing source gathered from the Miami Heat's players' only meeting:

James: Alright, guys. We have to do something about this losing streak. Does anyone have any ideas?

Wade: Alright, guys. We have to do something about this losing streak. Does anyone have any ideas?

James: Dwyane, I just said that!

Wade: Yeah, I know.

James: Then why did you say it?

Wade: This is still my team. You may be King, but in South Beach, I rule the roost.

Bosh: Guys, it doesn't matter. Coach Spo is really the only one calling the shots.

James/Wade: No one asked you, Chris.

James: But he has a point. He can't do much in the paint, but he does have a valid point here. Spo is supposed to be leading this team, but it just isn't working. I'm not having any fun. Anyone else?

Wade: Yeah, no fun happening here either.

James: So what are we going to do? We've lost 4 out of 5 games.

James/Bosh: Dwyane, you promised us that Pat Riley would be coaching us by now. What's up with that?

Wade: Hey, it ain't my fault. I thought he would be by now. I got bad info. I don't know who will coach us anymore.

James: You were the info! You promised us that Spo would be shipped off to his daddy in Golden State and that Riley would be our coach. Coach Spo just won't let me have any fun. I can't be myself.

Bosh: Yeah, me neither. I used to score...

Wade/James: Quiet, Chris.

Bosh: Aw, man.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas: Guys, we have to get ready to go to Cleveland this week. It's going to be hard.

Wade: Who said that?

Ilgauskas: Me, Zydrunas.

Wade: And you are?

James: I brought him with me from the Cavs. He's the only legitimate big man we have.

Bosh: By big man, you mean...

James/Wade: Really, Chris?

Wade: If he is so good, then how come we are still horrible in the middle?

James: Because Ilgauskas was really good a long time ago. You know, kinda like Chris.

Bosh: Aw, man.

Wade: Enough! How are we going to fix this? Forget about Spo and Riley. It's on us to turn things around!

James: Yeah, but did you see how I bumped into Spo the other night? That was cool, wasn't it? I showed him.

Wade: LeBron, we really don't need any more negative media attention from you. That's what we brought Bosh along for.

Bosh: Aw, man.

James: So, does anyone have any thoughts?

Eddie House: We could shoot more three pointers.

James Jones: Agreed.

Juwan Howard: We need to get more physical inside.

Erick Dampier: Agreed.

Udonis Haslem: We need to improve our defense.

Joel Anthony: Agreed.

Carlos Arroyo: We need our true point guards to handle the ball more.

Mario Chalmers: Agreed.

James: I'm sorry. When I meant anyone else, I meant D-Wade. You guys are really just along for the ride and shot at some rings. Your opinions matter as much as Bosh's.

Bosh: Thanks, King.

Wade: Not a compliment, Chris.

Bosh: Aw, man.

It was at this point where my source had to change his battery in his hearing aid, so this was all that he could get. But it truly was riveting, was it not?

Like I said, you need sources. And it really is such a small world. I found out later on that my source goes to the same hearing aid doctor as my grandma. She's 88, but she can't hear a thing!

Oh, wait.

By Rob Kelley
Pro Basketball Fans Miami Heat Correspondent
* Make sure to follow Kelley on Twitter @RobKelley24 for all of the latest news regarding the Miami Heat, as well as humorous outtakes from the rest of the world in sports.

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